Blah Blah IV

 

So, we had a strife with my aunt in the U.S. last night regarding the plans of moving back to the province.

I inititated a call last night to talk to everybody involved to clarify the final plan so that we are all in the same page, after learning that all the plan we shared with my two aunts have been fabricated and manipulated and a whole new story was what been told to my cousin.

That really frustrated me.

This is the version they have and has been told to my cousin who will be building her family's home at the back lot:

"Auntie wants to go home in the province and we (me and my husband) will be living in my husband's hometown. My husband has an engineer cousin."

I was like 😳

That was nothing like what we discussed and shared!

What really happened leading to last night's conversation was:

Last year, 2022, my cousin asked if she could buy a piece of lot from my aunt, who owns the entire lot where my parents and sibling are living too.

The house that she's planning to build was for her parents (my mom's sister).

That's a really great idea and that would be a perfect setup for them both.

My mom and her mom will be able to bond a lot if that happens. 🎉

What my aunt suggested is to not sell the lot to her but instead subdivide the lot into 3 and give it to her and my 2 brothers. 

It was settled then.

But it was all in the talk.

My 2 aunts haven't done anything to materialize that talk.

My cousin and my family initiated the subdivision para may patunguhan na yung usapan.

Actually minasama nga nina auntie nung nalaman nilang nag-inquire na si cousin sa expert for the subdivision, na Php6k each ang babayaran nila (her and my brothers) for it.

I doubt kung nakarating ito kahit kanino but we, na mga kasama dito sa bahay, ang sumalo ng mga sinabi niya. 🙉

My cousin's plan for her parents was a bungalow, btw.

Come May 24, 2023, my aunt attended a wedding.

My husband and I were planning to come home sa Pangasinan a week before that.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na uuwi kami, but she told me na problema nila ni ninang ang sasakyan papuntang kasal. We couldn't attend the wedding because it was a weekday, we have work but we can drive them there and go back home to work.

So it's been settled na palipasin na lang muna namin yung kasal then saka kami uuwi, para maipagdrive muna namin sila.

Come wedding, may iba naman pala silang nakausap na masasakyan nila, attending as ninong also.

So 🤷‍♀️

I didn't know exactly what happened at the wedding, but everybody was calling her after that and she was explaining on the phone na she was happy for them, the wedding was beautiful, and that she was just having a headache since the night before kaya daw ganun siya.

It was my ninang's son who got wedded, and she knows that face of my aunt because she saw how she was and how she yelled and made a scene at my own wedding last year.

Kaya todo explain siya kay auntie ng mga shortcomings nila sa wedding, which for me, she didn't have to, but am grateful to her for being so understanding and mapagpasensiya kung anuman ang pinakita ni auntie sa occasion nila.

Why am I telling this story?

How is this related to the strife we had in the family?

After the wedding, nirereklamo ni aunt yung mata nila.

Blurry daw.

Nagpacheck up kami kay Dra. Gina and we were referred to an optha.

We went there, did a flourescein andiogram, which btw took soooo long naubusan na ng pasensiya yung technician dahil hindi raw makasunod sa instructions si auntie. Sobrang napagod siya physically and mentally dahil kelangan niyang maging malumanay sa patient kahit ganung paulit ulit pero ramdang ko iritable na siya.

Ang finding was she has a beginning cataract na kung iri-rate from 1 -10, 10 as the worst, nasa 5 daw si auntie.

She also has refractive error (both eyes) and severe proliferative diabetic retinopathy.

We were then referred to a retina specialist but the optha also noticed my aunt's difficulty in recognizing letters.

Napansin niya yun when she did the eye test. The same test we get when getting a driver's license.

She had my aunt try out different grades of lenses and pinabasa isa isa yung letters na nasa wall at a distance.

Bumilib nga ako kasi kita pa rin niya hanggang dun sa second row ng pinakamaliit na letters.

But the problem was she couldn't say what letter it was.

It was "Z" btw.

She know it's the last letter of the alphabet, but she couldn't recall the name.

Binalik kami kay Dra. Gina who requested for stroke work up dahil yun ang hinala nila.

Cranial CT scan was what was done and nirefer na rin kami sa neurologist.

It was confirmed, nagkaron siya ng stroke sa left occipital lobe which is responsible for memory, kaya raw niya naeexperience yung difficulty recalling some things.

The neuro also requested a test for 2D echo DS, Carotid vertebral DS and 12L ECG.

We did the test 3 days before our scheduled follow up with the neuro, too bad the heart station was closed on the day of the check up kaya we weren't able to get the result.

Pero nung ginawa ulit ng neuro yung math test niya, 100 - 7, -7, -7, before kasi umabot pa sa line of 60 yung tama ni aunt, but this time, pangalawang -7 pa lang mali na, and pinapanindigan nila talaga yung sagot nila.

Kaya maliban sa susunod naming follow up check up sa kaniya with the results, nagsuggest din si doc na magpa-complete memory screening kami. Itong huling pangyayari ay nung katapusan lang ng August.

Sunod naming balik ay sa katapusan ng Sept.

To relate this to what has happened last night, due to her condition, she completely retired from work na dahil nahihirapan daw silang magbasa.

Her last day of work was, I think, in July, bago niya iuwi na yung mga gamit nya from work.

July 22, I talked to her habang naghuhugas ako ng pinagkainan.

I told her what was on my and my husband's mind.

Sabi ko iniisip namin na bakit hindi na lang tayo umuwi ng Pangasinan, dun na lang tayo para at least kasama natin sina mama and my cousin's mom, our families.

Tinanong niya ako ng may pataas na tone "Gusto niyo don?"

Sinabi ko oo.

Tinanong niya kung paano tong bahay sa Cainta.

I told her nasa sa kanila kung anong gusto nilang gawin.

Pwede nilang iparentahan kako para may income pa rin sila kahit nasa province na kami, but she said ibenta na lang, so I said okay.

July 27, I don't know how my 2 aunts' convo exactly went, but my aunt in the US called me and she said sabi ni auntie gusto na raw niya umuwi ng province.

So I explained to her kung ano yung napag-usapan namin nung July 22.

August 19, tinawagan na naman ako ni US aunt and same ng sinabi niya last time, sinasabi nga raw ni auntie na gusto na niyang umuwi ng province.

Kinuwento ko ulit yung nangyari dahil mukhang nakalimutan na niya na tinawagan na niya ako before at yung mga sinabi ko noon.

I also told her the plan na para makauwi dun, tatayuan din namin yung lot ng brother ko (bec. he doesn't plan to stay there), na kung kulangin yung pondo namin ay magloaloan din kami sa bank.

Sinabi ko rin yung pros ng pag-uwi namin.

Na at least pag andun, malapit na sa 2 sisters niya.

Na at least dun, hindi lang sila nakaupo buong araw tulad ng ginagawa nila rito.

Na at least dun makakapag-exercise sila dahil malawak yung lot. Lalakarin talaga nila kung gusto nilang pumunta sa harap.

Na at least dun, may makakausap sila dahil unli si mama, hindi tulad dito na wala silang makausap dahil work from home kami ni hubby, bumababa na lang kami kapag magluluto na kami for lunch or dinner, or umoorder na lang din kami sa Grab kapag hindi talaga kakayaning magluto.

Kapag hindi na kami nahihintay ni auntie, nagbubukas na lang daw siya ng sardinas (and itong pagkain niya ng sardinas ang kinukuwento niya pala kay US aunt so you know na kung ano ang nabuild na imagination sa kanya ng situation dito).

Ako ang nagsabi sa kanila ng mga ito. So it frustrates me how she makes it look na it's her idea. Na I didn't tell her. Na wala siyang alam sa mga plans namin. Really, really frustrating.

In between sa mga dates ng pag-uusap na ito, since we got confirmation na okay lang sa kanila, nag-inquire na kami sa mga requirements, sa mga dapat gawin, pati sa bank nagtanong na rin kami.

Umuwi pa si hubby ng Pangasinan para makakalap ng info sa skilled worker niyang tito.

Pagbalik niya rito, cinollate namin yung plan para sa bahay and we talked to auntie nung August 31.

Dun sinabi na namin yung mga gagawin para maumpisahan na yung pagpapatayo ng bahay sa province at para makauwi na kami.

Sinabi rin naman ni hubby doon yung future plans namin bilang mag-asawa.

Na ipapatayo namin yung bahay doon para makalipat kaming tatlo sa province, pero hindi namin aariin yun dahil mag-iipon at magpupundar din kami ng sarili naming bahay at lupa, at yung ipapatayo doon ngayon ay para sa kanila na pwedeng gawing family house na rin kung uuwi si US aunt or kung gusto lumipat nina mama doon. Their call.

Ang request lang ni hubby dahil iniinititate niya ito para magmaterialize yung sa province kahit hindi niya kami kadugo, magsheshell out din siya ng money and kung magloloan din kami, na kung pwede ireimburse yung mga magagastos namin kapag naibenta na itong current na bahay na tinitirhan namin. And yung net nun, buong kay auntie na para may savings sila. Dahil wala kaming interes dun, para sa kanila yung ipapatayo, para sa kanila na yung mapagbebentahan.

Gusto namin well settled sila sa bahay na titirhan nila na walang problema as much as possible, and marami silang makakasama. Kasi hilig talaga namin ni hubby, and they all know it, na magtravel travel, camping, adventure, activities, etc, kaya tuwing weekend kung saan saan kami pumupunta.

During that talk, she also offered some money para makatulong sa pagpapasimula nung bahay, aayusin at iuupdate lang daw muna yung account tapos iwiwithdraw na niya.

Maayos yung usapan so we thought everything was settled. She kept telling us nga during that convo ng "nice decision".

Sept 7, I told my dad the finalized plan, and he offered supervision help as well.

Sept 8, sinamahan na namin si auntie magwithdraw, and dineposit sa account namin ni hubby and nakaset na si hubby umuwi next week to start it.

This time though nabanggit ni auntie na duplex na raw yung ipapatayo ni cousin sa likod mula sa suggestion ni US aunt.

Other than that, wala ng masabing details si auntie dahil hindi naman daw sila nakapag-usap ng mabuti ni cousin.

So that night, I contacted my cousin to clarify.

And yung version na minention ko sa umpisa ng post na ito ang sinabi raw sa kanya.

Na gusto na raw umuwi ni auntie ng province and that kaming mag-asawa raw ay uuwi na sa town ni hubby. 

Kaya raw ang suggestion ni US aunt, ipaduplex na lang daw yung house plan ni cousin para dun si auntie.

I asked kung kelan pa nila ito napag-usapan.

Last weekend lang daw nung tinawagan siya ni US aunt.

So that was somewhere between Sept 2-3, which was after naming mapag-usapan ng maayos ni auntie yung finalized plan ng Aug 31.

Kaya sabi ko we will schedule a call the next day para lahat tayo on the same page at maclarify lahat bago pa namin simulan yung napag-usapan.

After our call, nag-usap din pala ulit sila ni US aunt, telling my cousin na she never knew our plan, na noon lang daw niya narinig.

Kinausap din ni US aunt si auntie kinabukasan bago ko pa sila ichat for the call, the same story na she never knew our plan, but since andyan na raw eh pinapabalik na lang niya sa original plan yung kay cousin and ituloy na namin yung sa amin.

I asked auntie kung alin mas prefer nila dahil yun importante dahil para sa kanila naman talaga itong itatayo.

She said mas makakamura yung duplex ni cousin kung yun ang gagawin.

So I messaged US aunt na if we can call to clarify and finalize, kaso 11PM na sa kanila nun (11AM samin nun eh). Baka tulog na sila.

Sabi ni auntie sa 10PM PHT na lang. 

That is ideal dahil ibang timezone din si cousin.

Mag-9PM pa lang wala na kaming ginagawa kagabi at nakaupo na lang kaming tatlo sa sala so I asked my cousin kung okay lang na magcall na.

We called US aunt. She was about to drive out but she entertained our call anyway.

Inexplain ko sa kanila na nakausap ko na sila before kasi sinasabi talaga nila na kahapon lang nila nalaman yung plan which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I even stated the dates of when we talked and I said she can check out her Messenger as proof. But yeah, kibit balikat lang sila.

Pero sinabi ko rin na favorable din naman samin and we are fine with it kung duplex na. We can scrap our plan and we are totally okay with it.

Yung dineposit sa account namin na panimula, dun na lang daw muna at pag-usapan na lang pag-uwi ni cousin since yung duplex na ang gagawin.

Lumala yung usapan nung nagbutt in si hubby para tanungin yung target finish date nung duplex kasi he shared na yung target date sana namin makauwi is by December.

Yung tone ni hubby didn't sit well with US aunt.

And he also shared our plans yung magawa yung mga gusto namin, etc. which I admit, sounded selfish.

Yung one year na saloobin niya after we got married bursted out last night, and nagkasagutan sila ni US aunt.

Nagkasabihan ng personal issues nila.

I was trying to calm him down, pero he was letting it all out.

Although humingi siya ng dispensa kung nabastusan daw sila sa kanya, etc, but sabay silang nagsasalita sa isa't isa ng mga reasons and explanations nila, sabay pumapasok sa tenga ko.

Parang ang nabuong conclusion tuloy ni US aunt, gawin yung duplex para dun na si auntie and gawin daw naming mag-asawa yung gusto namin, magpatayo kami ng sarili naming bahay at magpakasaya raw kami.

Wag na wag daw hayaang magshell out si hubby ng pera dun sa ipapagawang bahay.

Dahil hindi raw nagkukuwentahan silang magkakapatid, hindi nagbubuybuyan, etc. (Hindi po ba counted dito yung pagsabi sakin ng "Kung hindi dahil sa amin, patay na ang mama mo"? This was said to me a long time ago, pero tumatak sa isip ni hubby and he was shocked like why would she say that daw sakin in front of him pa. But at least he didn't brought this up last night).

Kung pwede nga rin daw lumipat na si auntie dun sa province ASAP kahit hindi pa naipapatayo yung bahay or icheck in na sa hotel sabi ni US aunt.

Sobrang daming naglabasan that our call lasted for more than an hour until US aunt cancelled it nung kakausapin pa sana ulit siya ni hubby.

Ayaw na raw niya siyang kausap then she hung up.

In shock pa rin ako hanggang ngayon sa kinalabasan ng pag-uusap namin kagabi.

Hindi ko pa maabsorb lahat.

Marami pang nasabi but obviously hindi ko naman maiisa isa dito dahil isang oras yun.

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip kong possibilities na gagawin nila after that.

Hindi ko alam kung may mapagsasabihan ba ako sa family ko or kung sasabihin ko pa ba or hayaan ko na lang sila kung anuman at paano man nila ikukuwento ang nangyari tulad ng pagkuwento nila kay cousin na ibang iba sa napag-usapan namin before.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Kung ako yung tatanungin, knowing how our family values are, kahit mga bata ang nasa tama, mali pa rin na sumagot sa nakakatanda.

So I think kahit anong sabihin namin, kami na rin yung mali sa mata ng mga makakarinig.

Like oo, reasonable yung mga sinabi namin, we have a point, they can relate, ganun din siguro gusto nila kung sila ang nasa posisyon namin, sinabi man namin ang totoo ng walang pretension, walang sugar coating, walang plastikan, etc, pero madudugtungan yan ng "BUT" you shouldn't have done/said that.

Masasabihan kami malamang ng "you should have done this and that".

Madaling sabihin yan kapag tapos nang nangyari dahil you can review what happened.

Pero kapag andun ka na sa sitwasyon, you will do and say what you think at that time was best.

But eventually after recalling and reassessing what happened, you will say you should have done things better than that.

Sorry, I just really need to spill all these out from my head para mahimasmasan ako.

Wala rin namang nagbabasa nitong personal blog ko. 🤷‍♀️

Wala naman silang pakialam sa akin o sa nararamdaman ko.

Big deal sa kanila kapag hindi sila nabati sa bday nila, pero they, themselves, didn't greet me on my birthday last August, kahit si auntie dito na ang daming pagkaing nagdatingan for lunch and dinner at may cake pa pero kiber lang sila, kumain lang ng walang sabi sabi o tanong tanong kung anong meron. 

Now I'm blaming myself for all this.

Siguro kung umuwi na lang ako ng province right after kong grumaduate 10 years ago, hindi na siguro nangyari ito.

Why did I even stay?

I felt like it was my obligation to stay para samahan sila dito to repay my debt na pinag-aral nila ako.

So I spent almost half of my life so far, living away from my parents and siblings.

Hindi ko rin naman na talaga planong magwork sa corporate office kaya talagang I worked hard na makapagfreelance and I achieved that 5 years ago.

Why did I still stay kung freelancer na ako and I can work anywhere?

I felt that I needed to. 

I felt that everybody is expecting me to stay here.

Come on, don't be a hypocrite and admit it, that's what you are expecting too.

Pero staying with them wasn't that hard for me. I am very adaptable so I was able to adjust easily kaya lahat ng nakakakilala sa kanila were amazed how I lasted that long with her, even my mom (because naexperience din niyang makasama si auntie nung nagwork siya sa Manila. Kahit si US aunt got annoyed with her many times, take note ilang buwan lang sila nun dito).

Pero baka pag umalis na kasi ako, everyone will think I am an ungrateful niece kung maiiwan sila mag-isa.

Kung pwede nga lang sana isama ko na sila pauwi pero I see kasi na mas priority nila above everything yung work nila kahit senior na sila.

Imagine, kahit nagiging makakalimutin na sila, yung memories nila about work are still sharp. Very sharp. That is how dedicated she was at work. Parang kaya mo silang tanungin sa mga blocks and lots kahit nakapikit.

Then I got married last year.

I was asked by my friends and parents kung ano na ang plano namin, kung bubukod na ba kami.

Doon ako napaisip, na oo nga no, where should we go from here?

Shall we start na?

We were able to buy a lot in my hubby's town, but we were also still looking somewhere in between my town and his sana para both malapit sa families namin.

But before we can do that, we need to secure auntie's future, that's what we thought.

Ayokong magmukhang ungrateful. 

Kahit I spent 14 yrs, almost half of my life with her as her company that nobody recognises because everyone thinks I was the one being given a favor, one wrong move, then I'll be bad at everyone's eyes, our families' eyes.

We didn't know what to do last year but now that she has completely retired, doon na namin naisip what would work for all of us, which is yun nga, makapagpatayo ng bahay dun sa lot nila sa province, at sasamahan pa rin naman namin sila hanggang makapagsettle sila dun with her sisters and families, then saka kami bubukod kapag nakapagpatayo na rin kami para sa family na sisimulan namin.

Unfortunately, with how the conversation went last night, any way you look at it, we might have came off selfish perhaps with the choices of words. 🤦‍♀️

Kasi shinare ni hubby yung mga gusto rin naming gawin sa buhay na ang naging take ni US aunt ay burden na raw sa amin si auntie, which is not.

Tapos si US aunt naman ang nagshare na okay naman daw nung kaming dalawa lang ni auntie ang magkasama, nung wala pa si hubby. It didn't sit well with hubby and asked na anong ineexpect nila, na hindi na raw ba ako mag-aasawa? This made me think din tuloy na baka ganito yung pinag-uusapan nilang dalawang aunt nung ikakasal na ako kaya naggaganun si auntie sa kasal ko. Idk. But worth to ponder. 

A lot has been said and I'm very overwhelmed right now.

But it is what it already is.

We have to face the consequences of our actions last night. All of us involved there, not just the two of them na nag-argue. All of us.

Ikalat na nila kung ano ang gusto nilang ipakalat. Make them look good and innocent like everything was their idea at na kami ang gumugulo sa idea nila (which is actually our idea). 🤷‍♀️ We have proof of our side kahit itanggi pa nila, kahit baliktarin pa nila.

But we will all figure this out.

I don't know how, but we will eventually.

I believe this was bound to happen, and it just so happened to be last night.

Everything will fall into the right places.

I trust it.

In His way. 👆

~~~~