Blah blah I.

It is that time of the month again when I doubt myself and my whole being.

Like I don’t know if I’m still on the right track.

Am still I doing the right thing?

Am I still doing what I’m supposed to do?

Am I still essential?

There’s no problem in reality though.

Everything is just in my head.

I look normal and fine.

The struggle is just in my head.

I’m overthinking things.

I’m overthinking everything.

I feel overly sensitive and emotional.

Even though I care less on normal days, today I’m conscious of everything that is happening around me and I overanalyze.

These times I would prefer to just be alone and embrace this loneliness until it subsides.

Then after this, I’ll be back to my normal, happy and cheerful self.

Everyone has their own battles.

Most of them are not visible.

That is why I don’t interact much with anyone.

I let them be.

Because I don’t think I could be of much help either.

I might even rub salt to their wounds even though I don’t mean to.

Even when I’m sooo happy, I don’t share it much too.

Because I might make the sad even sadder.

So I tend to keep it to myself, everything to myself (except when I really couldn’t contain it, my joy is overflowing you would really feel and see it).

But you know to whom I share all of these?

My happiness, loneliness, emptiness, or gratefulness?

To Him. 🙂

Because to Him, I don’t get judged, my feelings are validated and I’m reminded that even when I feel like everyone’s not here for me, He’s been always here beside me, fighting my battles, protecting me, guiding me, blessing me.

So when I prefer to be alone at times like this, embracing all these feelings, I pray.

I pray in silent until I feel His presence.

It calms me.

I feel at peace.

And it regenerates me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.